i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize