Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
