May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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