Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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