would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
