I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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