yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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