JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
