Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How external is "for external use only"?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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