He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
