People in love make me want to vomit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
