Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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