She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
