I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
