is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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