too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize