just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
