You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize