so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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