TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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