I need help removing her.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
being pregnant is like rehab
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
