that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
