Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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