Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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