Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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