Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
did i walk over a car last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
