just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
