you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
