i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
