You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize