Need sex. Gaining weight.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
