Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
