and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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