Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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