he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
