Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize