When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
