She is in my trunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
