A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
