hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
