true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize