nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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