I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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