Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
