it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
