So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
