dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
