I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
