Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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