dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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