i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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