it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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