The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
