dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize