and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
