There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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