i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
