i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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