Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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