Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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