I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
