I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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