There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
