am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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