"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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