he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
