yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
