Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
