but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Will exercising make me less horny?
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