Do you still have your period?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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