Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
