how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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