I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
