i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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