He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
