if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize