YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
