Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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