Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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