she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
