hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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