so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
