Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
