i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm at about main and main street
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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