tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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