she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
