These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
