he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
