party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she peed on how many people?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Found your dick twin last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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