Can Purell be used as lube?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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