Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize