i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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