Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
