wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
