You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
