i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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