This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
