Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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