Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Vodka?
Forever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize