I want to have your abortion
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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