She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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