So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
