normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
