..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
