I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
