Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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