So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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