just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
